Canada?s military has been a long-standing joke for decades. On October 5th, that joke turned deadly serious when a crew member of the HMCS Chicoutimi died from injuries sustained onboard from smoke inhalation.

Lieut. Chris Saunders, who leaves behind a wife and two children, will become known as the 1st Canadian to die aboard a submarine will on duty in approx. 50 years. The HMCS Chicoutimi was on its maiden voyage to Canada when the fire broke out. It was the last one of 4 vessels purchased second hand from the UK, to be brought to Canada for use in its Navy. The total price tag for the 4 submarines was 750 million dollars. All four submarines reported problems of varying degrees, with this latest incident being the most serious. They were actually purchased in 1998, and that was considered a bargain at the time. 2 more crewmembers remain hospitalized as a result of injuries sustained during the incident.

All three crewmembers were transported to a hospital in Ireland, close to where the submarine was when the fire broke out. In doing so, the Canadian government was sparred further embarrassment from the incident by not having the injured personnel not wait for medical attention in a Canadian hospital with depleted resources due to cuts over the last decade. The Liberals are already trying to deflect blame thrown at them from the opposition, claiming that the problems reported on the purchased subs where all normal, and that the inspection teams did all they could prior to allowing the subs to leave dock. Meanwhile, the Navy insists that these submarines were needed in their plans for defence.

We now have to ask ourselves what exactly that plan could be. Canadians have to be realistic. There is absolutely no point in trying to develop a strategic plan against any nation. There is no way the most powerful nation in history will allow Canada to be invaded, and there is no way Canada would be able to defend its self if ever the American lose their minds and attack Canada.

The submarines would also present a target for terrorists. They attack with vans, plans and cargo containers (okay, this last one I got only from movies, but you never know?). There is little a diesel-fuelled submarine will be defend against known terrorist capabilities, so that?s rules them out.

That leaves foreign fishing boats, Green Peace and Whales as they only potential targets left for the Canadian Navy. Do we have a Captain Ahab leading the Canadian Navy? Doubtful, since there are some Canadian boat tours that add Whale sightseeing as an incentive to pay good money for a three-hour tour.

That leaves the Spanish fishing boats. They have continuously ignored warning by the Canadian government about fishing in their waters. The fishing industry is in decline, with the Maritime Provinces being the most affected, as they have become Canada?s own 3rd world nation. Could Canadians have paid 750 million dollars to deter the Spanish? There own version of a new cold war? There is no other explanation for it. No other reason for it, other than to scare away the Spanish boats, or the fish from under the Spanish boats and drive them to Canadian nets. Either way, after a quarter of a billion dollars in initial cost, with hundreds of millions more in maintenance and repair costs, and now 1 human life, Canadians are paying dearly. To be insulted for your national defense is one thing, but to have a government force Canadians pay for the upkeep of those insults is more than just a slap in the face, it is a reason to fight back.

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Gary is editor of T.E.N Magazine. Check out more social commentary on various issues at http://www.tenwebzine.com.

editor@tenwebzine.com

The president of a large North Eastern company, doing business internationally, was visiting his California division. While he was there, he saw a very large photograph of, of all people, himself, hanging on the wall.

He was in the office of his Vice President’s private secretary. He said to her, Linda, that’s a very large picture you have of my mug for this size room isn’t it?

Linda said you know what I do when I have a problem? He said yea, you throw darts at it. Don’t you? She smiled and said no, here’s what I do. Then she demonstrated by propping her elbows on her desk, placing her chin in her cupped hands, and looking up at that picture said, Boss, what the heck would you do to solve this?

What Kinds of Images do you visualize?

Linda used a very powerful motivator to help solve her problems. She identified with a successful image. This sort of visualization can break the cycle of self-defeat and bad habits those years of struggles have set up with-in a personality.

Linda went on to testify, I find it extremely helpful to identify with a successful and positive image that inspires me to make the right decisions. She said, sometimes it’s a slogan, a picture, or any symbol that has deep meaning to me.

What do your images say to you?

Some people may find what Linda does humorous. But, the results of her actions are startling. Do you have a picture or symbol in your home or office that could give you the right answer for an important decision?

It might be a picture of a father, mother, husband, wife, Benjamin Franklin, maybe Benedict Arnold, nah?.I’m kidding about that. I sure hope you don’t visualize Benedict Arnold. :>) Why it could be a picture of a long deceased grand parent. Just anything that has deep meaning to you.

Caveat!!!

Make sure it conjures up deep POSITIVE emotions on the inside of you. This is nothing to play around with. If the image gives you that warm fuzzy feeling inside then you’re on the right track. If it makes you start looking for places to hide more bodies, then all bets is off.

When it’s Time to Speak??.Shut Up!!

What will your image say to you? Will you Listen? There is only one way to find out. The next time you are faced with a serious problem or have to make a major decision, ask your image a question. Then LISTEN?duh?ding-a-ling.

What you hear could be the most important advice you could get. When that deep stirring in your gut says, this is the way, do this, do that, then you have found the breakthrough you’re looking for. Be patient, get quiet and listen. If you’re not hearing anything, I can almost guarantee you you’re not quiet. There is still too much turmoil on the inside of you.

Another point you need to recognize is your situation is going to change whether you take the initiative to change it positively or not. But, using the concept of talking to your motivational images and listening, you have the power to determine its direction. Ah?.. I like that. You bet.

I can hear someone saying now, poo poo I’m not going to talk to some silly picture. I’m not a nut. Ah??.you talk to things all the time. Sure you do. Don’t believe it? Stop yourself next time you find yourself saying to your computer, why aren’t you working right you sorry piece of junk?

Talking to a computer, how crazy can you get? But, yeah, we talk to things all the time, but mostly in the negative vein. So, let’s start talking to things that will help to shape our future in the direction we want and not pay any attention to the nay-sayers that would make you feel silly.

So, What do you really want?

Do you want to go around the world in 80 days? You want to play in a James Bond movie? No, well how about lassie? Nah I’m kidding. No matter what your dream is, you will find that it will materialize through visualization and imagery much easier.

Rolling Snowballs uphill?

Yep, that is what it is like to try and materialize your goals and ambitions through happenstance or some kind of hokey-pokey. You have heard the slogan, “whatever the mind can conceive and believe the mind can achieve.” Well, it’s really not your mind; it’s your body that does the work. But, your mind can make your body’s work much easier.

In fact, if you don’t learn to use your mind and emotions you will put excessive and undue stress on every muscle in your body. Stress will cause all kinds of illness. Like ulcers and tape worms. :>)

This is a strong statement, but, I have found out from many years of business, that things just go much easier when my mind and emotions are congruent with my activities. When your mind and emotions get out of sync with the forces of the Universe that bring health, prosperity, and success, your life will be miserable.

Ok, here is your homework. I’m going to tell you a technique that is very powerful and effective. Find your image that you feel deeply about and creates powerful emotions inside you.

Then, find a quiet place sit down get comfortable, close your eyes and see that image floating inside of your mind. If you don’t have an image, use powerful words like; success, prosperity, health, healing, so-on, and see those words floating into your mind and let them surge all the way through your body. Feel it going through your body. Keep doing it till you feel electricity like sensations surging through you. You will. Guaranteed.

Don’t underestimate this. Some of the simplest things in life are the most effective.

Richard Vegas © 2002

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Richard Vegas is a popular recording artist and internet marketing professional. He invites you to subscribe to his FREE weekly ezine “Wing-Tips” Teaching The Success System That Never Fails, at: http://www.1-work-at-home-based-business-opportunities.com. You may also hear and follow Richard’s music career at: http://www.richardvegas.com

webmaster@1-work-at-home-based-business-opportunities.com

In individualistic success models, success is not due to the individual?s relationship with his external environment or place in society, but, rather, a matter of individual accomplishment or, in some cases, a measure of his relationship with God.

These models had their roots originally in Protestant Calvinism and are the typical ones you will see in ?Success? books.

Examples discussed include

The Protestant work ethic model

The American success model

New Age Model

Protestant Work Ethic

According to Max Weber (1904, 1905), it was John Calvin who introduced the theological doctrines which combined with those of Martin Luther to form a significant new attitude toward work. Calvin was a French theologian whose concept of predestination was revolutionary. Central to Calvinist belief was the Elect, those persons chosen by God to inherit eternal life. All other people were damned and nothing could change that since God was unchanging. While it was impossible to know whether a person was one of the Elect, one could have a sense of it based on his own personal encounters with God. Outwardly, the only evidence was in the person’s daily life and deeds, and success in one’s worldly endeavors was a sign of possible inclusion as one of the Elect. A person who was indifferent and displayed idleness was most certainly one of the damned, but a person who was active, austere, and hard working gave evidence to himself and to others that he was one of God’s chosen ones.

Calvin taught that all men must work, even the rich, because to work was the will of God. It was the duty of men to serve as God’s instruments here on earth, to reshape the world in the fashion of the Kingdom of God, and to become a part of the continuing process of His creation. Men were not to lust after wealth, possessions, or easy living, but were to reinvest the profits of their labor into financing further ventures. Earnings were thus to be reinvested repeatedly, ad infinitum, or to the end of time. Using profits to help others rise from a lesser level of subsistence violated God’s will since persons could only demonstrate that they were among the Elect through their own labor.

Selection of an occupation and pursuing it to achieve the greatest profit possible was considered by Calvinists to be a religious duty. Not only condoning, but encouraging the pursuit of unlimited profit was a radical departure from the Christian beliefs of the Middle ages. In addition, unlike Luther, Calvin considered it appropriate to seek an occupation that would provide the greatest earnings possible. If that meant abandoning the family trade or profession, the change was not only allowed, but it was considered one?s religious duty.

The norms regarding work which developed out of the Protestant Reformation, based on the combined theological teachings of Luther and Calvin, encouraged work in a chosen occupation with an attitude of service to God, viewed work as a calling and avoided placing greater spiritual dignity on one job than another, approved of working diligently to achieve maximum profits, required reinvestment of profits back into one’s business, allowed a person to change from the craft or profession of his father, and associated success in one’s work with the likelihood of being one of God’s Elect.

?American Dream? Success Model

The present model of business and career motivation, the one most closely associated with the ?American Dream? which emphases individual achievement, competition, and domination has been around for at least the last 50 years.

Unlike the Calvinist work ethic that is based, the motivation for moneymaking is no longer saving for the future, but, what Thornstein Veblen, the famous 19th century economist characterized as ?conspicuous consumption.? Luxury homes, luxury cars, fancy electronic gadgets, and exotic vacations create the illusion of wealth. The philosophy of the Amway Corporation, now known as Quixtel in the U. S. is a good illustration of the concepts involved.Amway Corporation is a direct selling organization that produces and markets products using a Multilevel Marketing system (or MLM for short). Multilevel marketing is a form of direct selling in which manufacturers authorize independent contractors to sell their products directly to consumers, bypassing intermediaries and retail stores. Using the garage or a spare bedroom as a warehouse and a home office as a business hub, a distributor makes a profit by buying wholesale from his or her company and selling to customers at retail prices. MLM is also a recruiting business. A distributor is permitted to sign up other individuals to become part of his company?s distribution force–and is paid a commission on the wholesale product purchases made by recruits. Both methods then furnish consumers with new options in acquiring consumer items they desire.

The motivator for work and sole measure of success measured is money and the goods that money can buy:

This is a business, and a main reason people work at any business is to earn money that not only will help them pay their bills, but also meet other goals. Those may be short- or long-term goals, and they could be large (like buying a new house) or small (like saving for a vacation).

A better standard of living is a common motivation and reward for people starting any kind of business. Money - and what it can buy - is the universally recognizable indicator of success that distributors use to motivate and establish credibility for their business.

(http://www.amway.com/InfoCenter/questions/question20.asp)

Another important aspect of this success model is that one has only one self?s to blame for one?s own success for failure. And yet given the low success rate in Amway, “…the data from one investigative report reveal that only 1,000 of over 200,000 distributors ever achieved the rank of Direct Distributor or higher,” it is also quite clear that the company does not offer success to anyone who enters the business [Bromley, 1995:151]. How can all these well-meaning people not succeed?

The only ideologically accepted explanation is that these well-meaning people had no commitment to “the dream.?

Amway is a performance-based business that rewards people in direct proportion to their effort. The bigger the financial goal, the more time and effort a distributor will need to put into his or her business. With an Amway business, a distributor can work as much or little as he or she likes. The rewards are based directly on the distributor’s accomplishments. (from Amway

The product is irrelevant. It is keeping the dream alive and resisting everything that could possibly rob one of The American Dream that counts. For “the dream” is God?s blessing, the divine will, the American Way, family, morality, and the free-enterprise system. .

Recently, the American success model has been taken a battering. The competition for business markets and jobs is stiff. The faith in business has been eroded by corporate fraud scandals, massive layoffs, and outsourcing. However, at least for now, it remains the predominant success model in today?s America.

New Age Views on Success

New Age philosophy got its name from the belief that we are at the threshold of a New Age. New Agers contend that the world is going through a paradigm shift, a time when accepted ways of thinking and acting change drastically, because of new discoveries.

For example, the invention of writing and of agriculture triggered paradigm shifts that led to a completely new way of living. According to New Agers, we are going through a paradigm shift through new discoveries in physics and psychology.

The judgmental (left)) side of our brain limits our possibilities for creativity. In contrast, the right side of our brain tells us that reality is what we make it. We need to be more creative in order to live up to our possibilities. In fact, some New Agers believe that we are actually gods, possessing mysterious powers that we do not know that have, including the ability to transform reality to conform to our desires.

We have these abilities because there is already an underlying oneness between our beings and the universe. Nuclear physics discovery that matter and energy is the same suggests that everything is made up of the same energy. Hence, we, as energetic beings, interact with the energy of our environment to create our own destinies.

The link between spirituality and money is evident in many New Age ?self-help? books that combine techniques for psychological and spiritual well-being with techniques for financial success.8 According to New Age thinking, your spiritual health and financial health are closely related. As a result, the idea that ?reality is what you make it? often translates into ?your economic reality is what you make it? Being open to new experiences and goes along with taking new risks and investments.

The New Age movement has adapted many of the same tools used by the Eastern and Wicca tradition that we have discussed: crystals, Tarot cards, meditation techniques, astrology, etc. However, they have developed two powerful motivational tools of their own: affirmations and visualizations.

Affirmations are positive statements Simply repeat them to yourself as you go about your daily routine. You don’t even have to consciously “listen,? just play it in the background. Your subconscious mind hears and retains the spoken affirmations and thus begins creating a more prosperous mindset. Your mind will especially pick out the personal issues and focus on them. Examples are:

• There is limitless supply and it is mine
• I release my need for financial insecurity
• I am financially secure
• I am surrounded by loving, giving people
• I release my need to feel needy
• I have everything I want or need
• I release my fear of wealth and wellness
• I am healthy and wealthy
• I allow myself to prosper
• I trust that I will create abundance
• I have more than I need in every area of my life
• I open myself to receive the abundance of The Universe
• I release my need for debt
• I am solvent
• I am safe and secure
• I enjoy a steady flow of positive energy
• I am loved, accepted, acknowledged and appreciated

Active, creative visualization is focused daydreaming. You create in your mind’s eye a vision, a thought, and that thought has energy. As with dreams, your mind seems to work best with pictures. As such, visualizations, coupled with affirmations, are powerful tools of creation. Below is sample visualization (http://www.catanna.com/moneyspl.htm)

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Janet K. Ilacqua is a freelance writer based in Tracy, California. She specializes in academic writing and ghostwriting of books and manuals for individuals and small businesses. For more information about her services, check her website at http://www.writeupondemand.com.

jilacqua@aol.com

Direct Answers - Column for the week of December 9, 2002

I was involved with a man separated from his wife. We connected on an extremely emotional level and were in the process of building a future.

His wife left him and their two children to accept a job in another state and to experience a more unencumbered life. Prior to leaving she cheated on him three times and was emotionally and physically unavailable to her children.

Unfortunately I let myself get drawn into his life and his children’s lives. I not only fell in love with him but also with the children. I was devastated when he accepted her back with no questions asked, but I accept responsibility for getting involved and for the consequences of my actions.

At the death of a loved one, when her family needed her most, she again abandoned her husband and children. As I predicted. He contacted me to let me know I was right. As much as I hoped that would bring satisfaction, it didn’t. It brought only deep sadness.

There is nothing I can do to make him see her for who she is. How do I find peace knowing this cycle of coming and going will continue in his life? I want what is best for all of them. I know walking away is best for me, and I guess I am looking for confirmation from an objective outside source.

Tia

Tia, in “A Christmas Carol” by Charles Dickens, three ghosts come to Ebenezer Scrooge and alter the course of his life. For you, the ghost was your companion’s wife.

There is a line Scrooge says which we have never forgotten. “Men’s courses will foreshadow certain ends, to which, if persevered in, they must lead. But if the courses be departed from, the ends will change.’ That is what the story is about. It is also the story of our lives.

With the holidays approaching, it will be hard for you not to think about what might have been. But with the holidays approaching, his wife may well reappear. Even if she doesn’t, her specter will never be far off, and he will be open to her return.

Hard as it is to walk away, it shows you understand the lesson from Dickens’ tale. Walking away opens the door to possibilities. It opens the door to your fulfillment and to the promise of the new year.

Wayne & Tamara

A Love Story

My name is Winnie. I am 15 years old. I am in love. I know it has to be love! I spent the whole day yesterday with this guy I have liked for about a month. He is 16.

I know he likes me, too. Well, at least I hope so. He flirts with me all the time. I want to call and talk to him about my feelings, but I am not sure how to word it. Every time I see him I get butterflies in my stomach, and every other problem in the world seems to go away. Can you please tell me what to do, or at least, what to say?

Winnie

Winnie, every story has a beginning, a middle and an end. You’re at the beginning of the story now, and it’s such a good beginning you want to rush to the end, read the last chapter, and see how it turns out. At least you want to tell this boy how it should end.

But by skipping to the end and telling him your feelings, you will miss the middle part where things develop and the plot gets interesting. Let the story unfold in its own way.

If you’ve already spent a whole day with him, you don’t have problems talking to each other. We’re pretty sure he knows you like him a lot. That’s enough for now. By letting things unfold in their own time, you won’t spoil the ending.

Wayne & Tamara

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Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.

Your career, like any journey, has a beginning, an end and a direction. For many people, the present direction of the career is probably not a result of entirely their own choices.

If, for some reason, you are not happy with the direction of your career, there is a way out: Take charge of your career and change its direction.

1. Know yourself

Has it happened with you that after desperately looking for something (e.g., keys) all over the place, you eventually found it right in your pocket or drawer?

That’s exactly the case with finding a new career direction. Usually, we try to search for a new career direction by looking all around, for example, at hot jobs, emerging fields, prestigious companies, friend’s career, what’s safe and so on. Ironically, we fail to look for the answer where it actually lies: inside us.

The secret of finding the right career direction is not to look outside but to look inside. Know yourself and you will automatically know the right direction for your career.

2. Dig deeper

Most people define themselves is terms of what they write in their resumes. That’s just the tip of the iceberg. To really know yourself, dig deeper and uncover your:

(a) Strengths
(b) Personality
(c) Values
(d) Interests

(a) Strengths

Your strength is what you do well and enjoy doing it. We never fail to admire strengths in top athletes, painters, writers, leaders but fail to ask “What is my strength?”

Strengths have a solid connection with a person’s career. According to Peter Drucker, a person can only perform from his strength. In other words, mediocrity is guaranteed if we fail to use our strengths. So know your strengths and get into a career that allows you to leverage your strengths to the maximum.

Discover your strengths by asking:

• What am I good at and also enjoy doing?
• What makes me feel energized?
• What comes naturally and easily to me?

(b) Personality

Personality is the sum total of a person’s behavioral, temperamental and emotional traits. For example, some people are by nature extrovert and enjoy meeting other people. But some people are born introvert and feel more comfortable when left alone.

Studies show a direct link between a person’s personality and his career. Indeed, if you are an extrovert person, you would do well in roles such as sales, marketing, public relations. But an introvert person would be better off in roles that do not require public dealing.

To know your personality in detail and its implications on your career, appear at personality tests such as Myers Briggs Test Instrument (MBTI).

(c) Values

Values are what you consider important and valuable. Values differ from person to person and can range from things like money, prestige and power to more subtle things like respect, harmony and independence.

Your values hint towards the kind of work that will suit you. For example, if you value “achievement, “you would do well in roles that regularly throw challenges at you. Someone else, however, may value “helping others” and, therefore, would do well in occupations that provide an opportunity to serve others.

To know your values, ask yourself what is important to you, make a list and prioritize the items. You can also use value inventories on the Internet to identify your values.

(d) Interests

Should the work be interesting? Yes, for an important reason: If your work arouses your interest, you are going to do well. History shows that great achievers always pursued what fascinated them. Akio Morita shunned the option of joining the family business of sake brewing to pursue what he was interested in: an electronics start-up. And he created Sony.

Doing the work that interests you can have a lasting impact on your career. To uncover your interests, find out what fascinates you and draws your attention.

Knowing your strengths, personality, values and interests is like having a compass with its needle pointing towards the right direction for your career.

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Atul Mathur © 2004. All Rights Reserved.

Atul Mathur is a career coach and author of the ebook “The Secret Of Finding The Right Career Direction.”

Web site: http://atulmathur.com

atul@atulmathur.com

In an effort to cut down the time between meeting and mating to as close to zero as possible, up has popped Speed Dating!

For the uninitiated, speed dating happens when groups of singles meet together at a predetermined location.

In an organized fashion, these folks talk to each other individually for under ten minutes (usually six to eight) per person, then switch to the next one in line. Next, each single rates interest (or no interest) in pursuing each contact. Afterwards, the organizers put the parties who indicated mutual interest in touch with each other, with what happens next up to the individuals concerned. Sort of like an adult version of Musical Chairs.

Offered by various businesses like HurryDate.com, and Pre-Dating.com, even the online dating veteran Match.com is jumping into the fray. Match.com sponsors live, face-to-face events in various cities.

But Match.com also has a completely online version that does not even require that you leave home — all you need is a computer online and another phone line or cell phone to use at the same time. After having a chance to look at the other’s profile and photo, the Match.com answer to supersonic speed puts you on the phone with one guy or gal after another — for an even shorter four minutes! Then, up comes the form, and just indicate your choice: “Yes, no, or maybe.”

Like most face to face events that I hear about (and I include the Match.com computer-based speed dating in this category), it sounds as if women usually outnumber men. Why? Well, women may just be more comfortable in these more social, on-the-spot sort of events. If you are not quick with words or good handling things on your feet, you’d be at a disadvantage. Guys report feeling trapped and uncomfortable. And there can be an air of competition that could make men antsy, not wanting to participate in something where they could lose or feel foolish.

There’s a message here for guys: Given the ratios, these kind of events would be great places for you to try. And they would provide great practice in mastering a social patter that would be useful in other situations.

The advantages to both men and women? Well, clearly, speed. And practice. And to “get your feet wet” and get a sense that there is plenty of choice out there. Who knows? Maybe you’ll get lucky!

The disadvantages? With face-to-face as well as online speed dating, you’ve got next to no screening except signing up / paying up / showing up. So you find a range of people, likely most of whom will not be even a passable fit for you.

With regular online dating, at least you get to screen to your heart’s content in total privacy, before making even one direct contact. You get to sift out potentials who are clearly wrong for you.

With speed dating events, what you see is what you get. As one woman reported, “When you see all those plaid jackets and missing teeth, it can be pretty depressing.”

Think about it: How fast do we really want to do this? After all, this is a life-partner search. What if the perfect guy or lady for you does not show him or herself the best in four to eight minutes?

Internet dating has already made the meeting process more efficient than we have ever known before. If we figure out many more ways to cut the time down, we’ll be saying “no” before any contact at all. That sounds suspiciously like staying home and doing nothing! Fast Can We Do It? Speed Dating Online and Off”

In an effort to cut down the time between meeting and mating to as close to zero as possible, up has popped Speed Dating!

For the uninitiated, speed dating happens when groups of singles meet together at a predetermined location. In an organized fashion, these folks talk to each other individually for under ten minutes (usually six to eight) per person, then switch to the next one in line. Next, each single rates interest (or no interest) in pursuing each contact. Afterwards, the organizers put the parties who indicated mutual interest in touch with each other, with what happens next up to the individuals concerned. Sort of like an adult version of Musical Chairs.

Offered by various businesses like HurryDate.com, and Pre-Dating.com, even the online dating veteran Match.com is jumping into the fray. Match.com sponsors live, face-to-face events in various cities.

But Match.com also has a completely online version that does not even require that you leave home — all you need is a computer online and another phone line or cell phone to use at the same time. After having a chance to look at the other’s profile and photo, the Match.com answer to supersonic speed puts you on the phone with one guy or gal after another — for an even shorter four minutes! Then, up comes the form, and just indicate your choice: “Yes, no, or maybe.”

Like most face to face events that I hear about (and I include the Match.com computer-based speed dating in this category), it sounds as if women usually outnumber men. Why? Well, women may just be more comfortable in these more social, on-the-spot sort of events. If you are not quick with words or good handling things on your feet, you’d be at a disadvantage. Guys report feeling trapped and uncomfortable. And there can be an air of competition that could make men antsy, not wanting to participate in something where they could lose or feel foolish.

There’s a message here for guys: Given the ratios, these kind of events would be great places for you to try. And they would provide great practice in mastering a social patter that would be useful in other situations.

The advantages to both men and women? Well, clearly, speed. And practice. And to “get your feet wet” and get a sense that there is plenty of choice out there. Who knows? Maybe you’ll get lucky!

The disadvantages? With face-to-face as well as online speed dating, you’ve got next to no screening except signing up / paying up / showing up. So you find a range of people, likely most of whom will not be even a passable fit for you.

With regular online dating, at least you get to screen to your heart’s content in total privacy, before making even one direct contact. You get to sift out potentials who are clearly wrong for you.

With speed dating events, what you see is what you get. As one woman reported, “When you see all those plaid jackets and missing teeth, it can be pretty depressing.”

Think about it: How fast do we really want to do this? After all, this is a life-partner search. What if the perfect guy or lady for you does not show him or herself the best in four to eight minutes?

Internet dating has already made the meeting process more efficient than we have ever known before. If we figure out many more ways to cut the time down, we’ll be saying “no” before any contact at all. That sounds suspiciously like staying home and doing nothing!

Kathryn Lord © 2004 All Rights Reserved

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Kathryn Lord, Romance Coach / Helping Singles Find A Sweetheart!

eBk: “Find A Sweetheart Soon! Your Love Trip Planner for Women”

Purchase ebook at: http://www.cafeshops.com/findasweetheart

Want more? Get my complimentary enewsletter *eMAIL to eMATE*

Subscribe at http://find-a-sweetheart.com/newsletter.html

www.Find-A-Sweetheart.com / email: Kathryn@Find-A-Sweetheart.com

4870 Oak Ridge Road, Vicksburg, MS 39183 / Ph.601-619-0030

My grandmother, a feisty and athletic woman in her younger years, was a gum-chewer. She was never without a pack or two of Wrigley’s Doublemint gum.

She wasn’t a snapper or bubble-blower–she viewed that as highly uncivilized. Grandma kept her mouth closed, thank you very much, and her chewing silent.

She insisted that it helped her concentrate. It turns out that she was right.

Research has shown that chewing does indeed increase our ability to concentrate and to retain what we’ve learned. In fact, studies indicate that, for both kids and adults, mental tasks are completed up to 20% more effectively when we chew gum.

Here’s why: When we chew–whether it’s food, gum or just air–we respond by salivating, which releases a surge of insulin. Our body gets ready for a meal. The insulin leads to an increased heart rate and sends glucose and oxygen to our brain.

The result? This blast of brain food helps us learn faster and retain this information longer.

If that’s all it takes to boost learning, I’m all for it! In fact, I’d like to suggest that we chew gum as a mindfulness exercise.

Really. Perhaps instead of “Om” we should be chanting “Grom-grom-grom”.

Why not? We already know that mindfulness can be very effectively practiced during repetitive physical activity. It’s hard to find a more repetitive and less demanding activity than chewing gum!

Try this: Sit comfortably in any position that allows you to breathe with a relaxed belly. Pop some gum into your mouth and begin chewing.

Pay attention to the burst of flavor and accompanying saliva. Feel the texture of the gum as it softens and stretches. Focus on chewing the gum on only one side of your mouth ten times, then switch to the other side. Continue as you slowly chew, allowing yourself to count to ten before switching sides again. Keep this up for about two minutes while concentrating on the chewing motion.

Simple? Sure. Mindfulness IS simple. And it can become pretty easy to focus for short periods, especially if we have a particular physical activity as the center of our attention. Many people find this a much easier and more effective way to experience mindfulness than simply sitting and watching thoughts.

There’s no need to make mindfulness difficult, uncomfortable or woo-woo. If chewing gum is good for your brain, take advantage of it as an easy way to practice mindfulness.

On a bus? At your desk? Take a two-minute break to chew gum. Nobody needs to know what you’re doing. It will be your minty little secret.

Salvation? Okay, maybe not. Here’s to salivation!

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Maya Talisman Frost is a mind masseuse offering specialized mindfulness training in Portland, Oregon. Her work has inspired thinkers in over 100 countries. To subscribe to her free weekly ezine, the Friday Mind Massage, visit http://www.mindmasseuse.com

maya@mindmasseuse.com

Quote of the month: *The secret weapon for success is knowledge, so what you don*t know can hurt you. - Geela

These days there is a growing trend towards reality TV shows that are based on external shallow values.

With the appeal of junk food, it has a powerful hypnotic effect even on the strongest minds. But while reality TV may seem like a harmless form of entertainment, the damage (which is done so subtly) is very powerful and therefore it deserves a closer look. So the question is *Do we really need another reality TV show or perhaps it*s time for a reality check?*

The popularity of reality TV shouldn*t come as a surprise considering the fact that we live in a culture that worships vanity, rather than virtue, and lives by the mantra of *He with the most toys lives,* rather than *He with the most joys lives.* It*s been said that circumstances don*t make a man, they only reveal him. Likewise, reality TV is merely a reflection of what our society has become - a materialistically driven society where the love of power and money overcomes the power of love. It*s a reflection of a society that is not only devoid of a solid wholesome value system, but is also separated from spiritual roots. It*s also a culture that thrives on living on the edge, characterized by thrill-seeking and addictions (including the addiction to stimulation).

So here is the true reality behind reality TV. Reality TV, which is in the business of making us feel good rather than be good, actually contributes to the growing problems in our society by celebrating human weakness rather than human excellence. Reality TV doesn*t empower us, but rather overpowers us by taking our innate power and inner knowing and spirituality away from us, leaving us feeling insecure, inadequate, less fulfilled, isolated and confused by virtue of the promotion of anti-social behavior, excessive self-indulgence, self-entitlement, greed, compromised integrity, obsession with winning at all costs, and erosion in morality.

When you consider the magnitude of the challenges that are facing America today, it becomes obvious that what we need is certainly not another mind-numbing reality TV show, but rather a good reality check. Whether we recognize it or not, America is in desperate need of healing and true revival. It needs a jump-start, not only in the economy, but most importantly a jump-start in the spirit. After all, we are only as strong as our spirit, because when the spirit is weak it*s easier to become overwhelmed by what life throws our way. But when the spirit is strong, no turbulences can effect us, much like a ship in the vast ocean that can sail smoothly as long as there are no holes in it to make it sink.

America could use a reality check if only to reexamine our value system, which is out of balance and has led to social ills and failing systems and institutions. In a conflicted state of uncertainty, doubt and fear, it*s only natural for people to feel overwhelmed, wishing to escape from reality. However, reality TV proves only an artificial relief. It*s obvious that we are looking for love (real joy, fulfillment, meaning and purpose) in all the wrong places. In a culture that demands instant gratification, and relief from everyday anxieties, a quick fix (for coping), seems to be the chosen drug of choice.

So now for that reality check. The reality is that the prevailing mentality in American society today is *more is better,* acquiring external riches as opposed to internal riches and that you can get something for nothing. There is a sense of entitlement and an expectation of wanting the good life without having to work hard for it. This is reinforced, glorified and perpetuated by the media with shows like *The Lifestyle of The Rich and Famous.* When all you see is glamour, but not the hard work and sacrifice that goes into achieving success, it only inspires more envy and the desire for a *get rich quick* scheme leading to the erosion of morality and integrity.

From environmental pollution to spiritual pollution, we can no longer ignore our failing systems and institutions. From an Enron economy with ballooning budget deficits (which is really a reflection of a deficit in integrity) and a vanishing social security system (which creates social insecurity) to politicians doing what*s politically correct instead of what*s in the best interest of the community, to a failing education system as reflected in poor test scores which lag behind those of other nations, to the break-down of the family system (where kids find themselves home alone growing up with their peers, gangs or TV without nurturing parents to instill in them solid wholesome values system), we are planning to fail by default.

Our spiritual bankruptcy is evident practically in every facet of our lives, resulting in social ills from perversion, to the phenomenon of people going from being heroes to zero. We can no longer ignore the senseless violence in our schools and crime on our streets, increased teen suicide (often due to hopelessness, low self-esteem, lack of direction and a solid, wholesome value system) and substance abuse. Americans are more stressed out today than ever before despite the fact that we have the highest standard of living in the entire world. The true reality is that America is going, slowly but surely, from being a nation of producers and innovators to a nation of insatiable consumers (even the holidays are too commercialized to enjoy) while drowning in debt just to support a lifestyle we can*t even afford. All of these problems can be traced to the pursuit of materialism, which is a by-product of the American Dream.

But rather then play the *blame game,* it*s far more productive to approach the reality TV issue in terms of what you can do to improve your own life. A reality check is a good starting point. Remember, the true spirit of the American Dream was all about perspiration, innovation, risk and reward with the focus on a wholesome values system, integrity, a strong work ethic, community and being of service. All of which creates total prosperity (from health to wealth) with purpose, meaning and real joy. Now that*s a reality worth striving for!

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Copyright © 2004, Geela

Author of *The American Dream*

http://www.Geela.com

Geela is an award winning singer/songwriter/composer, columnist, and author of the best-selling book *THE AMERICAN DREAM,* her true- life story of how she came to America as a young immigrant with nothing and overcame incredible obstacles to achieve mega-success. She founded ONE SPIRIT, ONE WORLD to help children and promote a culture of peace and harmony. Get a free sample of her music and her book at http://www.Geela.com

I?ll be the first to admit that I hated my job. It took many years for me to come to this realization since I kept accepting promotions in the hopes that the awful ache inside of my chest would go away.

This ache was not a medical condition ? it was me longing to have a career where I could be happy.

I tried to ignore these feelings but instead, the ache became more intense. I expressed to my friends that I was unhappy with my job as a pharmaceutical representative and they told me that I was crazy for wanting to leave such a well-paying job. I became frustrated because I realized that I was going to have to figure this one out on my own.

Now, I am in a career that I love. Ironically, I dedicate my life to assisting others find their dream job. Here are a few tidbits that I teach my clients.

Consider journaling. In journaling, you are able to express your pent up frustrations that you may be feeling about your clients, co-workers or the organization for whom you work. You can also find hidden passions, desires and talents. The best way to journaling is to ask yourself a series of questions. For example, ?How did I end up in a profession that I dislike?? and ?What is keeping me in my job??

Too often, people end up in a career that they dislike because they heard that it paid well or perhaps their parents encouraged them to pursue a financially ?safe? occupation such as accounting, law or medicine. In other cases, individuals decided to follow the same profession as their parents. Some people say that they have too much debt or a lifestyle to maintain while others say that they just simply rely on their steady paycheck.

Another question for you to you ponder is, ?If I had one year to live and I could have any job, what would I do?? Many times, we already know the answer to this question. However, we tend to ignore our passions and dreams because we put limitations on ourselves. We think things like, ?I won?t get paid as much? or ?It will take me forever to begin my own business.?

After you have discovered your deepest dreams, make a list of the resources and skills that you must possess in order to perform your new job and create an action plan. Recognize that individuals only need to commit one hour, everyday. This one hour will give you the strength to keep the occupation that you hate while you work towards attaining a career that you love.

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Theresa Castro, MBA, is career coach, speaker and author of The Dark Before the Dawn: 70 Secrets to Self-discovery. Visit www.TheresaCastro.com for more information.

Theresa@TheresaCastro.com

Carole started counseling with me because she was depressed. She had been ill with chronic fatigue syndrome for a long time and believed her depression was due to this.

In the course of our work together, she became aware that her depression was actually coming from her negative thinking - Carole was a constant worrier. Many words out of her mouth centered around her concerns that something bad might happen. ?What if I never get well?? ?What if my husband gets sick?? ?What if I run out of money?? (Carole and her husband ran a very successful business and there was no indication that it would not go on being successful). ?What if my son gets into drugs?? ?What if my kids don?t get into good colleges?? ?What if someone breaks into the house??

Her worry was not only causing her depression, but was also contributing to her illness, if not actually causing it. Her worry caused so much stress in her body that her immune system could not do its job of keeping her well. Yet even the awareness that her worry was causing her depression and possibly even her illness did not stop Carole from worrying. She was addicted to it. She was unconsciously addicted to the sense of control that worry gave her.

I understood this well because I come from a long line of worriers. My grandmother?s whole life was about worrying. She lived with us as I was growing up and I don?t remember ever seeing her without a look of worry on her face. Same with my mother ? constant worry. Of course, I picked up on it and also became a worrier. However, unlike my mother and grandmother, who worried daily until the day they died, I decided I didn?t want to live that way. The turning point came for me the day my husband and I were going to the beach and I started to worry that the house would burn down and my children would die. I became so upset from the worry that we had to turn around and come home. I knew then that I had to do something about it.

As I started to examine the cause of worry, I realized that worriers believe that worry will stop bad things from happening. My mother worried her whole life and none of the bad things she worried about ever happened. She concluded that nothing bad happened because she worried! She really believed that she could control things with her worry. My father, however, never worried about anything, and nothing bad ever happened to him either. My mother believed that nothing bad happened to my father because of her worry! She really believed until the day she died (from heart problems that may have been due to her constant worry) that if she stopped worrying, everything would fall apart. My father is still alive at 92, even without her worrying about him!

It is not easy to stop worrying when you have been practicing worrying for most of your life. In order for me to stop worrying, I needed to recognize that the belief that worry has control over outcomes is a complete illusion. I needed to see that, not only is worry a waste of time, but that it can have grave negative consequences on health and well-being. Once I understood this, I was able to notice the stomach clenching that occurred whenever I worried and stop the thought that was causing the stress.

Carole is in the process of learning this. She sees that her worry makes her feel very anxious and depressed. She sees that when she doesn?t worry, she is not nearly as fatigued as when she allows her addiction to worry to take over. She sees that when she stays in the moment rather than projecting into the future, she feels much better. The key for Carole in stopping worrying is in accepting that worry does not give her control.

Giving up the illusion of control that worry gives us not easy for anyone who worries. Yet there is an interesting paradox regarding worry. I have found that when I am in the present moment, I have a much better chance of making choices that support my highest good than when I?m stuck thinking about the future. Rather than giving us control, worry prevents us from being present enough to make loving choices for ourselves and others. Worrying actually ends up giving us less control rather than more!

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Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.

margaret@innerbonding.com